June 5, 2017 Catherine Mendoza 5Comment

Today, it’s been 15 years since He took you away from me, from us.

My childhood memories with you will always be the sweetest, the most beautiful and I can’t stop imagining about it. Good old days. So beautifully heartbreaking. 

Whenever I tell my friends and special someone about our story, tears fill my eyes. I’m always enthusiastic to narrate the times you bought me a Barbie doll and our vacations in Manila. The good old days. You were such a great father.

Today, it’s been 15 years since He took you away from me, from us. I miss you. I was young and still innocent when you passed away, but my emotions were genuine and deep those days. I felt sad when you weren’t by my side anymore. Since the day you left, there has been never a day that I forgot about you. You’re always in my heart and your memories never fade away. They’re graceful.

Every time I hear the sound of the local train, I think of you. You used to work for the company operating the trains and sometimes, you took me with you when I was a kid. You worked the whole day while I played the whole day under the scorching heat of the sun. It was cute and fun and whenever you finished work. Then we would head over to my favorite local market where you bought my Barbie doll for which I loved to sew clothes. Looking back, it feels like it was just yesterday. By the way, I moved to a new city.

Papa, how is it up there? Are you happy now? I’m sure you are but you know what, I’ve been dreaming about you lately. One night in my dream, I was doing the laundry with mom when suddenly, I received a message from someone saying, “Your dad is alive, he’s at the hospital.” I got too excited and told mom right away about the news. “Dad is alive but he’s sick and he needs us! He’s at the hospital! Let’s hurry, mom, let’s visit dad soon!” Mom was upset and was trying to make me realize that were gone. She was insisting you’re dead and I didn’t believe her. She said, “Wake up, your dad is not here anymore!” I screamed in pain and said no! “Dad is alive and he needs us! I want to see him!” I woke up with sadness in my heart. I was feeling gloomy for the rest of the day and was wondering why I had that dream. I was happy to see you there. But it wasn’t real.

Then I awoke, and my beautiful dream was interrupted. I thought you were there. I felt your presence.

I probably just missed you so much. I wondered what it was like if you were still alive. How and what would have I been now? Would I be the same little girl you cared so much for or would have I been much fiercer than ever before? Either way, I want you to know that I’m grown up now and I know you’ll be proud of me. I’m sure you are.

Things have immensely changed, papa. Tons of changes. Everything looks different now. I wished you witnessed how we grew up, how we, from cute little kids, became mature daughters and son you wanted us to be. We will never forget your life’s lessons and pieces of advice that led us to where we are right now. I wish you were here. Don’t worry, we’re all doing okay.

Dear Papa, I dreamed about you last night. It’s been 15 years

I miss you, papa. We miss you so much. We always think about you and I hope that my better half in the near future would be like you—kind, loving, thoughtful, and most of all, a person who loves unconditionally. You were amazing, papa. You were my real superhero, the first man I loved profoundly.

Anyway, the next time I write you a letter, I probably have a cute baby already. Haha. I’m kidding…but not really!! Just trying to make you laugh up there.

Although I’m truly sad while writing this letter, I want you to know that you’re never forgotten. Never. And no one can ever replace you in our hearts. I miss you, papa. It’s been 15 years.

Love,

Your daughter

Also read: Losing Dad, A daughter’s first love

5 thoughts on “Dear Papa, I dreamed about you last night. It’s been 15 years

  1. Sad for your loss. I really know and can very well understand the importance of a father in daughter’s life. He is always her first love and the biggest support in life. I am sure your Dad will be happy seeing you a brave and happy person now.

  2. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to meet your father. He seems like a wonderful person, a great father. I can relate to this post because as you know, my father is already gone too. I cannot tell for sure if there is an afterlife but I truly wish that there is, just to have a chance to see our departed loved ones again.

  3. I am so sad for your loss dear. No one in the world can replace our parents.He sounds like such a wonderful person. A father that every daughter will like to have

  4. I lost my dad 3 years ago. I also missed him these days. Like you I wonder how it’s like if he were still alive. But things like these happen… happy fathers day to our great dads!!!

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